{"id":543,"date":"2022-01-11T13:13:42","date_gmt":"2022-01-11T12:13:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/adoptanttanker.dk\/?p=543"},"modified":"2022-01-11T13:13:45","modified_gmt":"2022-01-11T12:13:45","slug":"den-gode-egoisme","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adoptanttanker.dk\/index.php\/2022\/01\/11\/den-gode-egoisme\/","title":{"rendered":"Den gode egoisme"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Jeg havde egentlig t\u00e6nkt mig at skrive et nyt\u00e5rsindl\u00e6g, men p\u00e5 en eller anden m\u00e5de kom nyt\u00e5ret bag p\u00e5 mig denne gang. M\u00e5ske mistede jeg bare tidsfornemmelsen i den store, langsomme gr\u00f8d af jul, Omikron og testtelte – og bum, s\u00e5 var det 2022. Men alts\u00e5, det er vel stadig en slags nyt\u00e5r, og hvilken bedre m\u00e5de at skyde det i gang p\u00e5 end med en lille snak om egoisme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det her indl\u00e6g har summet i mit hoved meget l\u00e6nge, men jeg har haft sv\u00e6rt ved at finde ud af, hvordan jeg skulle gribe det an, for emnet forvirrer mig – og har gjort det i mange \u00e5r. Det handler om adoptanters motivation for at adoptere. Der er en logik omkring det, som jeg aldrig har kunne f\u00e5 til at stemme. Jeg har kredset lidt om det i flere andre indl\u00e6g, bl.a. White Savoiur og adoption<\/a>, men nu pr\u00f8ver jeg lige at se, om jeg kan sk\u00e6re lidt mere ind til benet i forhold til de tanker, jeg har haft. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Det er min oplevelse, at n\u00e5r man taler om motivationen for at adoptere, er der to faktorer i spil:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. At redde et barn og give det et bedre liv<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Et egoistisk \u00f8nske om at blive for\u00e6lder<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Danmark m\u00e5 man under ingen omst\u00e6ndigheder sige, at man adopterer for at redde et barn (USA er en lidt anden historie, der skal man helst redde s\u00e5 mange b\u00f8rn som muligt – og meget gerne i Guds navn). I Danmark adopterer vi af egoistiske \u00e5rsager – og er stolte af det. Intet f\u00e5r adoptanter hurtigere op af stolen, end hvis nogen siger \u201cHvor er det barn heldigt, at det er havnet hos jer\u201d. Enhver, der har adopteret inden for de seneste 20 \u00e5r, kan i s\u00f8vne citere side 1 i Den Uofficielle H\u00e5ndbog for Adoptanter: \u201cDet er s\u00f8rme os, der er de heldige\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Men her kommer det forvirrende. For hvis nogen p\u00e5 en eller anden m\u00e5de indikerer, at adoptionssystemet er til for adoptanter snarere end for b\u00f8rnene – at det i h\u00f8jere grad drejer sig om at finde b\u00f8rn til for\u00e6ldre end om at finde for\u00e6ldre til b\u00f8rn – s\u00e5 skal man r\u00e5be op. S\u00e5 skal man fort\u00e6lle om alle de for\u00e6ldrel\u00f8se b\u00f8rn ude i verden, der har brug for en familie – og om hvordan de b\u00f8rn vil f\u00e5 det meget bedre i et \u201ck\u00e6rligt, dansk hjem\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Man skal alts\u00e5 som udgangspunkt sige, at man adopterer af egoistiske \u00e5rsager lige indtil nogen p\u00e5peger, at det muligvis er lidt problematisk – s\u00e5 skal man fort\u00e6lle, at man adopterer for at give et barn et bedre liv.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeg har brugt en del tid p\u00e5 at overveje, hvad vi egentlig mener med ordet egoistisk, men er kommet frem til, at vi m\u00e5ske i virkeligheden ikke mener andet end \u201cdet modsatte af at g\u00f8re en god gerning\u201d. Vi vil gerne sl\u00e5 fast, at vi ikke anser adoption for at v\u00e6re n\u00f8dhj\u00e6lp, og det g\u00f8res mest effektivt ved at bruge ordet egoistisk. Vi g\u00f8r os ikke de store overvejelser om, hvori egoismen best\u00e5r, og m\u00e5ske netop derfor kan vi sige det med rank ryg og klar r\u00f8st. Faktisk – hvis vi nu skal v\u00e6re ubehageligt \u00e6rlige – kunne det s\u00e5 t\u00e6nkes, at vi opererer med en form for falsk beskedenhed, hvor vi ved at tale os selv ned som egoistiske mennesker i virkeligheden \u00f8nsker at fremst\u00e5 endnu mere uselviske? Som i: \u201cNej nej, vi g\u00f8r det udelukkende for vores egen skyld, vi har da slet ikke t\u00e6nkt p\u00e5, at vi med vores helt egoistiske handling kunne redde et lille barn og give det et godt liv i vores k\u00e6rlige, danske hjem\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

M\u00e5ske baseres logikken p\u00e5 samspillet mellem de to motivationsfaktorer: At redde et barn kan ikke st\u00e5 alene – enten bliver det lige lidt for amerikansk eller ogs\u00e5 indser vi, at hvis vi \u00e6gte skulle g\u00f8re en god gerning, ville den ikke n\u00f8dvendigvis indeb\u00e6re personlig vinding (som at f\u00e5 lov at blive for\u00e6lder). Omvendt kan det at v\u00e6re egoistisk heller ikke st\u00e5 alene. Egoismen t\u00e5ler ikke at blive udfordret eller uddybet, for s\u00e5 bliver det ret hurtigt tydeligt, at s\u00e5 sympatisk er egoisme faktisk heller ikke. Derfor har de brug for hinanden. I det \u00f8jeblik adoptionskritikere p\u00e5peger egoismen, bruger man den gode gerning som modv\u00e6gt. Og lige s\u00e5 snart tonen bliver lidt for amerikansk og save-the-world-agtig, smider man egoismekortet. Balancen skal holdes, der m\u00e5 hverken v\u00e6re for meget af det ene eller det andet – for hvis det sker, bliver revnerne i adoptionslogikken lidt for tydelige. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jeg har jo selv i et eller andet omfang k\u00f8bt ind p\u00e5 den her logik. I hvert fald har jeg engang besluttet mig for ikke at udfordre den yderligere, men hvis man begynder at pille den fra hinanden, lag for lag, floskel for floskel, st\u00e5r der for mig at se kun \u00e9n ting tilbage: Egoismen. Ikke den sminkede egoisme, hvor man ved at kalde sig selv egoist fors\u00f8ger at vise, at man er det stikmodsatte. Men den rene, r\u00e5 egoisme, hvor ens egen dr\u00f8m om at blive for\u00e6lder v\u00e6gter h\u00f8jere end de reelle behov, et barn og dets families m\u00e5tte have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Min opfattelse er, at det her foreg\u00e5r ubevidst og at \u201cAdoption er for os et egoistisk valg\u201d er et automatsvar for mange adoptanter. Vi t\u00e6nker ikke dybere over, hvad vi siger, eller hvad det betyder. Men jeg ville \u00f8nske, at vi gjorde. Jeg ville \u00f8nske, at vi turde udfordre den logik, vi selv har f\u00e5et skruet sammen – at vi satte flere sp\u00f8rgsm\u00e5lstegn ved de ting, vi fort\u00e6ller os selv og hinanden igen og igen. M\u00e5ske vi lige skulle ryste floskelposen, \u00f8nske hinanden godt nyt\u00e5r og tage 2022-brillerne p\u00e5. For min skyld kan vi godt lade Den Store Adoptanth\u00e5ndbog blive i 2021 sammen med Delta, hjemmeskole og cykelhjelme formet som hatte.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyways, godt nyt\u00e5r! Jeg h\u00e5ber, at 2022 bliver et \u00e5r med en ny slags samtaler.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jeg havde egentlig t\u00e6nkt mig at skrive et nyt\u00e5rsindl\u00e6g, men p\u00e5 en eller anden m\u00e5de kom nyt\u00e5ret bag p\u00e5 mig denne gang. M\u00e5ske mistede jeg bare tidsfornemmelsen i den store, langsomme gr\u00f8d af jul, Omikron og testtelte – og bum, s\u00e5 var det 2022. Men alts\u00e5, det er vel stadig en slags nyt\u00e5r, og hvilken […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":547,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-543","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nDen gode egoisme - Adoptanttanker<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/adoptanttanker.dk\/index.php\/2022\/01\/11\/den-gode-egoisme\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"da_DK\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Den gode egoisme - Adoptanttanker\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Jeg havde egentlig t\u00e6nkt mig at skrive et nyt\u00e5rsindl\u00e6g, men p\u00e5 en eller anden m\u00e5de kom nyt\u00e5ret bag p\u00e5 mig denne gang. M\u00e5ske mistede jeg bare tidsfornemmelsen i den store, langsomme gr\u00f8d af jul, Omikron og testtelte – og bum, s\u00e5 var det 2022. 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